we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
