What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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