An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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