Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
