i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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