so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
