ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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