I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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