I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
