I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
