btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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