im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
