**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
