she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
