glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
