Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
