used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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