Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The feeling are messing with the penis
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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