So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There r osticjed everywhere
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
