i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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