So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
