its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
