No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm getting married
To pizza
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
