i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
