You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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