How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
