That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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