Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
