So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
