I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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