you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
