I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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