is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
