Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
