well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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