she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
