Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
