I got chris browned last night
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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