my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
