I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
