headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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