Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
