omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
