I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
