The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
