Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
