y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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