i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
