Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
