dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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