i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
