Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
