i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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