I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
