how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
