I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
